


Incandescent

by SilverFliesInBlueSugar (orphan_account)



Category: Naruto
Genre: BAMF Uzumaki Naruto, Depression, Eating Disorders, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hatake Kakashi is a Good Teacher, Hugs, Naruto likes to bottle stuff up, Platonic Relationships, Recovery, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Shyness, Smart Uzumaki Naruto
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2020-10-05 22:29:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20496362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/SilverFliesInBlueSugar
Summary: Naruto Uzumaki has been battling depression and self hatred for most of his life, hiding it behind a sunny demeanor. But what happens when his mask breaks and those he holds closest see the parts of him he worked his whole life to keep hidden?





	Incandescent

Naruto had always been known for his confidence.

His brazen demeanor was well known and well abhorred within the village of Konohagakure, reaching up to the ears of the Hokage and even whispered within the ranks of Anbu.

His classmates despised him. His teachers barely put up with him, excluding perhaps Iruka, who seemed at the very least to find it easier to get along with the blond. 

But despite this outer face of bravado, of cheer and of brightness akin to a ray of sun, it was all deception. 

Naruto never laughed when alone, never smiled when out of view. When, at the end of the day, he stepped back into his apartment, he found his plastic grin sliding off his face like water slipping off of a smoother surface, and the temperature seemed to drop by just a small increment.

Naruto Uzumaki just wanted, desperately, for everyone to think he was okay. That he wasn't breaking inside and tearing at the seams and struggling everyday not to just throw himself from the Hokage mountain and let the wind and the pull of the earth's gravity decide his fate.

He was 8 when he started to hate himself, 10 when he started to fake it til he made it, and 13 when that mask began to get too heavy to carry anymore.

Eating felt like a chore, going outside was suddenly work he was desperate to postpone despite his seeming vigor for the seat of village leader. He skipped going to the academy on numerous occasions, instead spending his time curled up in bed, wondering distantly if it would be so bad if he just jumped from his window. Would anything even change? Would anyone notice, truly?

He began to harm himself, in unnoticeable ways. Bruises from blows he dealt to himself and scratches from where his nails tore at his skin could easily be pushed away as training mishaps. Accidents. Mistakes.

A little like him, he supposed.

When Mizuku's sized-up shuriken had flayed the flesh from Iruka's back, when the older man let out a sky-piercing cry and when blood hit the whiskered cheeks of a boy too stunned to move, he suddenly felt something move inside of him.

Suddenly, he wanted, eagerly, to protect. _Move!_ his brain urged, _MOVE!_

And thus he did.

And that night, after eve, under the light of a full moon, the fox-demon's host felt the cold embrace of a hitae-ate apon his forehead and the comparatively warmer embrace of his teacher.

With the shine of metal pressed against his skull, he wondered if maybe there was a point to all of this after all.


End file.
